If I Could Turn Back Time
by crowley's sex demon
Summary: It takes Sherrie kissing Cas to finally make Dean confess his love to her and then leave. Will he come back? If he does will he still love her?
1. Dream Lovin'

Because of the new air freshener and because I was hurt, I could sort of understand why Dean had suggested sleeping in the back of the car with me. He loved the smell and wanted too make sure I was fine. "There's not enough space," I turned from the car to him. "Well. I'll just have to wrap my arms around you, won't I?" He flashed his infamous grin and got in the back of the car. "Where am I supposed to sleep? If I lie on the side, I am gonna fall off." "Just lie on me," Dean shrugged. "You couldn't have offered, could ya?" I turned to Sam. "I'm too tall, no way would I manage to lie down in there," he replied. "Why do I have to lie down anyway? It's perfectly normal to sleep in a car while sitting up." "Because you need a decent sleep," Dean told me. " Now, will you get in here so we can get on the road?" Dean laughed and I climbed into the car, lying on top of him, my head on his chest. I took a deep breath and pointed at Dean. "Fine, but don't you dare try anything." Once Sam had started the car, it wasn't long before I was asleep. I don't know how long I had been asleep but I started stirring and shifting a little. I was still mostly asleep so when Dean moaned quietly to my movement, I dreamt I was in bed with my dream man so thought nothing of moving my head and gently kissing him on the lips. I didn't have time to think about it before I was asleep again. When I stirred again, it was from dreaming about the kiss and I found I had moved in my sleep and had my head over his, so we were ear to ear. Still half asleep and dreaming about the kiss, I somehow moved my head sideways and kissed my dream man again. When I pulled away, he kissed me back but this wasn't like the kiss I have given him; this kiss was full of want, pure passion so what else could I do but kiss him back. Because both of us were still practically asleep, I don't think we were aware that we were actually in the car with Sam still driving. Dean parted my lips with his tongue and used it to massage mine as he protectively wrapped his hands around my waist, holding me to him so I could feel him getting very hard, very fast and it wasn't long before his hands were sliding from waist and massaging my bum. In my dream, it was my dream man rubbing me and I thought it only fair I return the favour. I moved my hands from his shoulders and slowly traced my finger down the middle of his chest, over his stomach and rested it on the rock hard erection, straining against his jeans. I exchanged my finger for my palm and moved it in circles, dragging out of him a moan of sexual pleasure. It was this moan that caught Sam's attention and when he looked over his shoulder to see us kissing, he slammed on the breaks. This jerked the car and me and Dean woke up, startled. Thinking there was an emergency, we both sat up as straight as we could, not noticing where our hands were. We both looked at Sam, who was looking back at us, he face painted with a horrified expression. "Sammy, what's wrong?" Dean asked, instantly worried. "What's wrong?!" Sam repeated in a raised voice. "What's wrong is seeing you two sucking face like two teenagers behind the bleachers." "Err . . .yeah, okay Sam, I think you may have been driving too long are are over-tired." "I wish I was," Sam shook his head like he was trying to loose the image. "If I hadn't heard Dean start to make sex noises . . ." "Wait a minute, what?" It was at this point that Dean felt the aching in his groin. "Uh oh," he said and slowly looked down. I followed his eyes and my hands flew to my mouth. "Oh my god!" "What the hell?!" "I hate to say it-" "Then don't," Dean interrupted and warned Sam. "Oh my god, I can't believe we . . .we would have if . . .how the hell did this happen?" "Well, I am irresistible," Dean smirked to himself and I sent him a warning look. "It could have been your subconscious's telling you that there's something between you," Sam suggested, and this was not the first time he had suggested it. "Sam, will you give that up? There ain't nothing between us," I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I don't fancy her," Dean said. I slowly turned to look at Dean and he froze. "Excuse me? What's wrong with me?" I raised an eyebrow. "Err . . .nothing. It's just that I err . . . see you everyday and . . ." "And you prefer to go from woman to woman like a man-whore, without ever seeing them again?" "Hey, hang on! I am not a man-whore!" Dean argued. "Err . . .Dean, I think you should come and sit in the front with me," Sam suggested. "I think she should, it's a bit err . . .difficult to move at the moment." "Ugh," I cringed and opened the door. "Well, I obviously do something for you." For the rest of the journey, me and Sam exchanged small talk and the rest of the time was just spent in uncomfortable silence.


	2. Castiel or Dean?

"A month later, Dean had ganed an angel, Castiel, and one day, while Dean and Sam were out, Castiel appeared behind me. There was no denying to myself that I fancied Castiel, I mean, he was gorgeous so, when I spun round and bumped into him, the butterflies started. Castiel still hadn't learnt the need people had for personal space, so he was close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my face. "Where is Dean?" "He-he's out with S-Sam," I replied and my eyes and stutter must have gave me away because Cas' face straightened and his eyes widened. "I don't know . . .I mean I haven't . . .I'm not supposed to be allowed to experience human emotions." "Just just do what you want to do, forget the rules," I whispered, figuring he had just given me permission. Castiel stepped forward and awkwardly, he put his hands on the back of my waist. I put my hands on the back of his neck and pulled his face down to meet mine. As I began kissing him, Castiel took a deep breath but began to relax. He quickly kissed me back and a few seconds later he had tightened his arms and threw himself into the kiss. I pulled away and looked at him, suprised. "Dean made me watch porn, this is what the pizza man did," he said. I couldn't help laughing but Castiel cut me off. After a few more minutes of kissing, I could feel his growing erection, straining against his trousers but I decided not to mention it. Castiel broke the kiss and whispered, "do you feel that? I have a . . .boner." "Dean?" I asked and Castiel nodded. "I can feel it, big boy." I went back to kissing him with more heat and passion and neither of us heard Dean and Sam come in until Dean shouted. "What the hell is going on?!" I spun round to see Dean, looking seriously pissed off. "Dean, I am very sorry," Cas said and stepped forward. "Yeah, it looks like it," Dean snarled and with that he turned and stormed out. "Cas, I think you should . . ." Sam hinted. Castiel nodded and disappeared. "Do you wanna tell me what was going on?" Sam asked, sounding as pissed off as Dean looked. "Cas turned up and I guess he worked out that I am . . .was attracted to him," I answered. "And it never occurred to you not to make a move, or move away from him?" "Why are you so upset about it?" I threw my arms up in the air. "Why do you think Cas apologised to Dean? Why do you think Dean stormed out?" "Cause he walked in and me and Cas were . . .you know." I shrugged. "No, it's because Cas knows how Dean feels about you!" Sam was still shouting. "What the hell do you mean 'how he feels about me'?" "Ever since the incident in the car, Dean has been carrying a torch for you," he softened up. "What? That's crazy," I shook my head. "Think about it; on hunts he is more protective than usual. If you ever need anything, he is the one to make sure you have it and if you are hurt or upset, he won't leave your side until you're back to yourself," Sam explained and as the words sunk in, everything seemed to be true. "So why didn't he do anything? Was he just waiting until he had competition before bringing it up? And he hasn't even brought it up now, you have," I stressed. "I don't know, but what I do know is that, right now, he is not angry, he is upset." "Well, what am I supposed to do?" I hung my head. "What are you supposed to do?! You're supposed to go after him!" Sam shouted at me and I slunk past him, letting myself out. Outside, I had no idea where to start looking for Dean so I just started to wander around and eventually found him ten minutes way, sat on a swing. I went and sat next to him. "Dean, I-" "Don't give me the 'it didn't mean anything, we were caught in the moment' crap, okay?" "I didn't know I was doing anything wrong!" I yelled at him. "No, but Cas did and he should have turned away. Hell, you could have turned away," Dean told me and he was visablly upset. "You were the one who made him watch porn, how did you expect him to react when a female showed interest in him?" "Oh, so this is my fault, is it?" "No, I didn't say that. But do you expect me to feel guilty about kissing someone else when I didn't even know you were in love with me?" "Whoa! What? I am not in love with you!" Dean stood up. "Well, you better go and tell your brother that, because that's what he seems to think," I pointed in the direction of the motel. "And if you ain't, then why the hell are you acting like this?" "What was I supposed to say after nearly a year of hunting together? 'Oh, by the way, I love you.' I didn't know if you would feel the same and after what I've just seen, I'm guessing you don't now." "I thought you said you weren't in love with me?" "I lied okay! I'm in love with you! So now you know!" "If this all started after what happened in the car, then you could have told me afterwards. I mean, you could have told me you wanted me as more than a friend, that you loved me." "If I told you, I didn't know how you would react, I thought you wouldn't feel the same and things would get awkward and you would suggest you went your own way." "So you decided to just keep quiet so you could take advantage of me hugging you, without me knowing that you . . ." I faded off. "I was going to tell you-" Dean started but I interrupted. "When? When you finally had competition? When someone else showed interest? And what now? What happens now?" "You're with Cas now, aren't you?" Dean sneered. "Oh, for fucks sake, will you grow up?! It was just one kiss and after tonight, there sure as hell won't be anything else happening. You made damn sure of that. Do you think I would have kissed him if I knew how you felt? And don't you dare blame Cas, he obviously thought you were never going to say anything, so he thought it was alright, if he liked me, to make a move himself!" I shouted. "And I bet he feels so guilty right now. I bet he hates himself but I know you will forgive him. What about me?" "What about you? Well, I'll tell you what I think you should do; I think you should let me and Sam go on without you, it will be easier for everyone, easier for me!" "You just said you didn't want to tell me how you felt in case I wanted to go my separate way and now you're telling me that's what you want me to do. And I suppose you're going to do the whole 'I never want to see you again.' You know what Dean? You are so immature, throwing a tantrum just because it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Well you couldn't have changed that if you'd told me earlier how you felt!" "Me and Sam are going. Tonight. You're stuff will be at reception. Don't come back to the motel until we have gone, about half an hour," Dean said, emotionless. "If you need anything you have got Sam's number, I want you to delete mine." "Oh, believe me, I don't want yours or Sam's number, I'll delete them both. You're just like a child, 'she kissed someone else so I don't like her anymore.' And you can't have loved me that much if you are treating me like this!" Without saying anything, Dean got up off the swing and left me sat on the other one, alone. "Seeya Dean," I said quietly, but obviously not quiet enough. "No, you won't."


	3. Reunited

Two months had passed and I was living with Ellen, Jo and Ash. I'd been hitch-hiking and passed through and being understanding, they offered me a place to stay. The only annoying thing was, every Saturday night, Jo and Ash would insist on karaoke night to have a laugh, but when it came to my turn singing, they always, ALWAYS got me to sing broken-hearted songs. After Dean and Sam had left and I was on my own, I realised that I missed them both, but I missed Dean more. I missed hugging him, I missed playing around with me him. He loved me and I loved him. What upset me was that I had missed my chance and this was why they made me sing soppy songs. One karaoke night, as Jo was finishing up her turn, Dean and Sam walked in. As soon as Ellen saw them, she ran over and dragged them to a part of the bar around the corner, out of sight of the rest of us. They watched me and Jo dancing to a song by the pool table after she had finished. "Sherrie, your turn," Ash called to me and held out the mic. "What are you gonna make me sing tonight?" I rolled my eyes as he and Jo fiddled with the machine. "Something that, if you really put your heart and soul into, it might make Dean come back and give you a chance," Jo answered. When she said this, Sam looked at Dean and raised his eyebrows, interested to see what was coming. Inside Dean, a battle was going on. Was he still mad at me or was he over the moon to know that I'd developed feelings for him? "You say that every weekend and every weekend Dean doesn't come back. He's obviously over me so can I not sing something . . .fun and bouncy?" I pleaded, jumping up and down. "Not until you admit that you're hopelessly in love with Dean and can't live without him and would do anything for him to come back and still be in love with you," Jo teased, an eyebrow raised. Both Sam and Dean held their breath, leaning forward to hear what I was going to say. "So then, which heartbreaker is it tonight?" I rolled my eyes, sighing, not admitting to anything. "You are so in denial," Jo shook her head and pressed play on the karaoke machine. As Cher's Turn Back Time started, I scowled at Ash and Jo. "Every weekend you make me sing this!" I whined. "And every weekend you refuse to admit you're hoplessly in love with Dean." I bit my tongue and turned back to the TV, even though I knew the song word for word, not having to read them off the screen. I took a breath and started singing.

"If I could turn back time, If I could find a way I'd take back those words that have hurt you And you'd stay I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes I didn't really mean to hurt you,. I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry but baby If I could turn back time, if I could find a way I'd take back those words that have hurt you And you'd stay If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you Then you'd love me, love me Like you used to do."

When there was a break in the song, I looked up to see that Ash had loaded a picture onto the TV of Dean standing in front of his car. "You are so NOT funny," I shook my head. "Sing to the picture, baby, sing to the picture," Ash laughed and he finally noticed Dean through a gap in the bar, and winked.

"My world was shattered, I was torn apart Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart You walked out that door, I swore that I didn't care But I lost everything darling, then and there Too strong to tell you I was sorry Too proud to tell you I was wrong I know that I was blind, darling."

At this point, Ash switched the picture to another of Dean.

"I hate you . . .back time, if io could find a way I'd take back the words that have hurt you And you'd stay If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you And then you'd love me, love me Like you used to do If I could turn back time, if I could back time, if I could turn back time If I could turn back time, oh baby I really didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't wanna see you go. I ain't singing the chorus another two times."

I gritted my teeth. "Is that it for the night?" "Not quite. We want you to sing one more song and if, at the end of this, you still won't admit that you love Dean and wish you were with him, then we will stop making you sing heartbreakers every weekend," Ash grinned. "Promise?" "Promise." "Okay, what's the song? I don't like it when you grin like that, Ash," I looked at him, suspicious. "Don't worry, it's your kinda music," Jo giggled and the start of Alice Cooper's Die For You started. "Remember, if you still refuse to admit to loving Dean after this, then you can sing any song you want," Ash reminded me.

"Here we go . . .A hundred numbers on my wall Some with names I sometimes call I drop a coin and watch it fall, trying to get connected to you A thousand hours all alone, my softest pillow turns as hard as stone This is the longest night on my own, lying here, thinking of you."

I took a deep breath and scowled at Ash. "It's working, ain't it?" he winked. "Nope, I still don't love Dean," I said, knowing that I was lying. This song was always the one song that brought it all back and they knew that. They'd found me looking at pictures of Dean enough times while listening to it.

"Sometimes I shake my head and laugh to myself I'd like to start again with somebody else, I'm like a broken toy forgotten on the shelf Baby, I could have been someone, I could have been something It would have been nothing to die for you Baby, you're gonna need me, you better believe me It would have been easy to die for you."

I walked backwards and sat on the pool table.

"A million memories flood my brain, drown my sorrows, kill my pain Wets my thirst for you again, just another night to get through All my neighbours scream for quiet at my door Shattered glass and turn up pictures on the floor Well, I couldn't stand you see your pictures anymore."

Again, Ash chose this moment to bring up a picture of Dean and I stuck up my middle finger at him. At the back, Dean was sat still, watching, and Sam patted his back, knowing just what Dean was feeling. It was also at this point that Castiel showed up. "What the hell is he doing here?" Dean snapped, quietly. "He hasn't told you?" Ellen asked. "You comes every other day just to make sure she is okay and not too . . .you know. Dean, you've got nothing to worry about, there's more between Sherrie and Jo than there is them two. They're practically best friends but that's it, I swear to you on Jo's life. A week after she arrived, he came to make sute he was okay and me and Jo overheard him say thay you didn't know what you were losing." She looked at Dean. "Dean, he's been caring for her while you've been gone, and me and Jo also overheard her telling him how she felt about you. That's how we know." Dean nodded and went back to watching me. It was hard, but he believe what Ellen said; he trusted her.

"These cuts are deep but you plead innocent "Are you hell or are you heaven sent."

It was as I sang these lyrics that I hugged Cas.

"You're much too cold you know how much you mean to me, yeah A billion tear drops fall from my eyes But it's just a joke now, and I'm laughing at your lies You made me hard as rock and now I realise."

I finished the last chorus and when the song was over, Ash looked at me. "Well?" "Nope, still don't love him. Now, if you will excuse me, I need some fresh air," I scowled. It wasn't until I was outside that I let the water that filled my eyes spill over. Back inside, Dean had a lump in his throat and had an urge to go after me, but Castiel has beat him to it. Sat on a curb outside, I rested my head on my knees until Castiel sat beside me. He said nothing but wrapped both arms around me, squeezing me into his chest and letting me cry. About five minutes after watching, Ellen snuck Dean out so he culd hear me and Castiel talking... "It is my fault that you're upset," Cas squeezed me again. "We've been through this Cas, it ain't your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine," I sniffed. "But I should have know and resisted." "You're new to all this and like I said to Dean, he made you watch porn and you just . . .reacted how you thought you were supposed to. Plus, I had a bit of a crush on you and you seen it in my eyes. "Like this?" Castiel pulled back and gave my puppy eyes, making me laugh. "You've been really good to me, Cas.," I put my arm around his back and hugged him. "I had to make sure you were okay, just in case Dean ever came back." With his angel senses, he already knew Dean was behind us. "He's not coming back; I didn't even know how I felt until a few days after he left, when it had all sunk in and he wasn't around anymore, but I've told you all this before," I rested my head against his chest again and played with his tie. "He still loves you." "How can you know that?" "I spend most of my time with him, Sam talks to me and there is one other thing," Castiel rubbed my shoulder. "Yeah, what?" "Dean wouldn't have come all this way, looking for you, if he didn't love you." "What . . .?" I asked, unsure I had heard right. "He said I came a long way looking for you," Dean said behind me and Cas. Cas looked round and nodded at Dean, then helped me stand up. I took a deep breath and forced myself to turn round. When I saw Dean standing there, looking like he did two months ago, my heart skipped a beat. "Dean . . ." I whispered. I didn't know how he was going to react so I stood still, letting the words sink in. _I came a long way looking for you. _I looked back up to Dean and took a step forward. It must have been the sign Dean was waiting for, because he strode over, threw his arms around my shoulders and kissed me. After a few seconds, I couldn't help but cry again; I couldn't ignore Sam, Ash and Jo cheering. I broke off the kiss and wrapped my arms around Deans waist. "I'm really sorry," I sniffed into his shoulder, remembering the way he smelt. "Let's just forget it all happened, okay?" Dean pulled back and looked at me. "Oh, you know I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress." "Don't you ever call me a damsel again," I scowled and laughed and Dean pulled me back into a hug. "I missed you do much." "You're never gonna have to miss me again, and you . .." When Dean turned to Cas, I held my breath. "Get over here and join in." I laughed as Cas awkwardly tried to join in. "Thanks Cas, Ellen told me you've been taking care of her; I owe you a lot." " Okay, come on," Ellen called. "I think Sam wants to welcome her back too." When Sam came outside, I let go of Dean and ran up to Sam, letting him pick me up off the floor in a bear hug. "Maybe now he'll stop moping around," Sam whispered in my ear. "Come on, it's time to celeberate," Ash cried out of the window. "Let's go, my woman," Dean came up next to me and held my hand. "Okay, my man," I smiled and noticed Cas smiling as well and with that we all walked into the bar.


End file.
